I thought I knew all the tricks

So I thought I new all the tricks of travel. Having flown over a million miles in the last couple of years, I've developed a small arsenal of tricks to make travel more comfortable. For example I've discovered that the aisle seat and the window seat in the emergency exit row are sat in on every flight, because of the extra leg room. As a result those cushions are smashed flat.

If by good fortune you get assigned an emergency exit row, it is imperative that you get on early enough to pull the seat cushion, which of course you know is removable because it can be used as a floatation device in the "unlikely" event of a water landing, and replace it with a middle cushion from a less desirable row.

These kinds of tricks make the flight more comfortable, and more exciting. The game is to see if you can get the seat cushion swapped without getting busted by the flight attendant, or reported for being a terrorist doing something funny to the seat.

So today I'm flying from San Diego to San Francisco and I get on early to claim some overhead space and settle into my coveted aisle seat. Just as the flight is filling some clown comes down the aisle carrying a plastic cup of water sans the lid. I'm thinking, "what kind of idiot carries a cup of water on the plane when you have all that carry on luggage to cram into the over head space". Well, its the kind of idiot that is seated in the middle seat beside me, that's what kind of idiot carries water onto the plane. As you know it takes a considerable amount of negotiations and contortions just to get you and your stuff on the plane.

So I'm watching this water carrying clown eyeballing my row and inwardly pleading with the travel gods that "this cup might pass me", when the Goof stops and indicates that he has been assigned the middle seat. As I get out of my seat so he can pass he "accidentally" pours some of the water into my seat. There it is, a standing puddle, in the middle of my seat. I'm slack jawed as I consider the options. It is then that he turns to me and says,"Would you like my middle seat. I'll let you out during the flight if you need to walk around?" Of course I'll need to walk around, I'm crammed in the middle seat!

I thought I'd seen it all.

As I cram myself into his dry center seat I take only a small satisfaction in knowing he has to sit in a puddle of water. Of course once he had soaked up the water with his 501's I informed him that I wanted my seat back.

Of course the other option, if I hadn't been so dumbfounded would have been to switch seat cushions so he could enjoy his wet pants in the middle of the row where he belonged.

From now on, when assigned a middle seat, I'm carrying a cup of water on the plane.